Sea of Love - Cat Power

I just booked my flight to Cali. Looks like San Diego and Los Angeles will be getting a visit from me for the Holidays.

My flight is Wednesday, December 16th and I won’t get back until January 4th.

It’ll be my first winter over there, I usually go during the summer. I’m so excited!

A christmas and new years spent with two of my favorite people [my niece and nephew] is the best X-mas present and the best way to start a new year.

GPOYW

Education is expensive. Tuition and books - One class costs a fortune, Imagine taking 5 classes in one semester.

We study so hard just so we can get a career and be successful.

We do this because society tells us to. Society basically draws up this image that in order to be successful you have to have a degree in something, and so.. most of us do it.

You spend 12 years in school only to go to College for more time in school to actually get a degree that says you’re good at something.

It’s crazy how you spend half your life studying in order to be someone. I think it’s crazier that even this is not free. Nothing ever is.

You spend so much time hiding your face behind books, highlighting important notes, pulling all these all nighters, losing sleep and missing meals and putting all your time towards your grades - As if giving up all your time isn’t enough, you have to pay too.

I just think it’s funny how you have to buy your way to be made into something bigger than what you already are.

Dali’s paintings are very interesting, at least to me. They all have hidden meaning and I think that is what intrigues me most. These paintings are nothing more than a collection of ideas, that are to do with the interpretation of dreams, perception of reality, time, birth, death and sexual desire.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I asked you to meet me for lunch, some tea or coffee. Of course I never will have the balls to - I know you hate me. The simple thought of me, the simple whisper of my name and the simple sight of me probably makes you angry and stirs some type of negative emotion inside of you.

But honestly, I can see why you do. It was never my intention to cause so much damage and so much pain to one individual. I never wish harm on someone so you won’t be an exception. I don’t hate you. I have no reason to. I don’t even have the “I strongly dislike her” attitude because I don’t even feel that. I honestly feel nothing towards you.

I still wonder though, If I asked you if you would decline or if you would accept the invitation. But then I think of what I would say to you and I draw nothing but blanks. It all comes back to nothing because I don’t really have much to say. I guess I always thought I did but really, I don’t. It’s not that I have nothing to say, it’s that it really doesn’t matter if I do or if I don’t. I really shouldn’t have something to say because it’s not my place to.

Then, there is always the question of what you would say to me, if anything at all. Then again, If you had something to say, I think you would have said it by now and it wouldn’t even have been over coffee - It would have just been said.

I don’t really know the meaning behind this. I guess it’s just a way of reaching out without doing so, of sympathizing without you wanting it, a way of recognizing everything without making it known, a way of trying to find an understanding without you asking me to, and of apologizing to you without really having a reason to. For some reason I feel like I should apologize, The only problem is I don’t know why.

Truth is I don’t think it matters to you. The last thing I think you’d want is to accept an apology that has no reasoning behind it, no purpose.

I think because I always come to this conclusion, The invitation is never offered and the questions never have answers.

I think you’d decline anyways, Coffee is not really your choice of drink.

I never said I was better than you.

I never said I knew everything.

I never said I will preach thee.

I never said I haven’t done this or that.

I am aware I have flaws of my own. Even the smartest people of the past didn’t know everything so how can I? I’m still fucking up royally and learning from my mistakes. At one point in order to realize what I did was right or wrong I had to make choices and actions I was not proud of.

My life is constantly developing and this is where you’ll find it. I express myself through my thoughts and words and as I do I find I am not only learning but I am growing as a person.

What i write, It’s all just general statements with really no purpose. I just write. I hide behind my words, thoughts and books because it’s really all I have. This blog is just here so that later on when I look back at my posts, I can identify with myself, My old self. It’s amazing how with time you progress and change. You never really realize it until you look back.

This is really the purpose of my blog. If for some reason in some way you find some sort of relation to me, then I made a bigger accomplishment than what I intended. I would have accomplished the realization that I am not alone.

areza:

Give a life-changing gift in the name of someone special

There are many ways on this site where you can donate a certain amount of money to a certain cause for any kind of reason. From animals, clean water, education, environment, girls and women, HIV and AIDS, hunger, medical care, orphans and widows, sports and music, etc.

Some don’t require as much of a donation as others. Every little amount, no matter what it goes to, can make a huge difference to those who really need it.

Visit the World Vision gift catalog

♥

Smile Friday “Black Friday Adventure with Allison” Edition.

As I wake up in the morning, My phone seems to go on text overload with thousands of text messages from my wonderful friends wishing me a “happy thanksgiving! (insert corny message here) smiley face”

Thanks for making my phone Inbox Full. I’ll be Deleting your messages now :)

And this will just repeat on Christmas and New Years so I know I’ll have to do it again.

this year is going to be lame. Maybe I could have chosen a better word to describe my feelings but honestly I don’t feel like thinking of one.

Every year my mom would cook the usual American thanksgiving dinner and my family would enjoy it.

For some reason, My older sisters boyfriend decided to take matters into his own hands and my older sister invited us to go eat over there.

As cute as that sounds, I’ll tell you why I find this to be a bit of a problem:

• He’s not part of the family. He’s her boyfriend.I love him to death and maybe that is what the future holds but I don’t think it’s his place to do so. They’ve only been dating for a little over 6 months. My brother in law who has been married to my other sister for 5 years hasn’t even cooked us a holiday meal.
• We’re meeting his family. That’s fine with me because I love to mingle. But, My father is the most anti-social human being I have ever met. I personally know he is only going for my older sister.
• My mom still has to cook some dishes. Maybe not the turkey but definitely the potato salad, pumpkin pie, sweet potatoes, and the rice. She might as well have just cooked her own meal.
• Instead of eating dinner at 7 or 8pm, The celebration of Thanks we’ll be at 4/5pm. That’s a tad bit early for my family considering we always eat a late dinner even when it’s just a regular tuesday.

I guess the only good part is I’ll be with my older brother in a corner making jokes about what’s going on. As much as I am thankful to have most of my family together and for the food on the table, I think this thanksgiving will just be okay.

ehhh… whatever, at least I’ll be eating a nice home cooked meal.

- Mean Girls

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It’s funny how a teen movie can actually have such a great moral. I love this movie, my inner teenage girl comes out whenever I see this - I can’t help but laugh. But in all honesty, This quote speaks the truth.

No matter what you say, Nothing will change unless you actually do something about it. You can talk all you want, but the action of your lips won’t take away your problems. If you want answers and if you want solutions, you actually have to go and do something about it. People lecture others about change but you need to practice what you preach. You can’t erase your own mistakes by creating new ones for someone else. Your problems will always be there no matter how fast you try to run away from them. If you never do something about them, then they will remain. In order to see a difference, you actually have to go out and make one because no one else is going to do it for you. In other words, As powerful and strong as your words sound, “Actions speak louder than words.”

I didn’t know her personally but I have friends who did so I decided to show my support and donate towards her funeral funds.

Tonight, My old highschool held a Benefit performance in order to collect donations made for Samantha Meerbot’s funeral. I never really saw my school as having the most school spirit, but I was proven wrong tonight. The school was able to collect over $3,000 for Samantha’s funeral.

The program was emotionally draining. It went from moments where I could not stop sobbing to moments where I was entertained and could not stop laughing.

The School put on a dance show, an improv show, and a play.

I never really thought I would have this sort of reaction towards someone I did not know but I was able to feel the pain her family and friends were going through and therefore I became an emotional wreck. I cried for someone I did not know and it was okay. Through this tragic moment, I am glad I was able to help in some way. I’m glad others participated in this event. It just goes to show you that people have good hearts and don’t mind lending a hand in the time of need.

She was 14 years old and her life was taken away all too soon but she is in a much better place now. My condolences go out to her family.